Last day of Provera

SO! To update just a little bit, I am on my last dose of Provera. I was able to speak with the nurse at my OBGYN and since I had been prescribed Provera and Clomid before, she sent in a refill request to my pharmacy without much ado. I am hoping that I bleed soon. I just want to START this cycle already. It’s insane having 60+ days in between cycles (My Ovuview app told me I was on day 57 today). I’m worried about doing clomid again. I think maybe because it worked last time, but then it didn’t end well. I’m scared to have the same result again. I’m also worried that I can’t get pregnant without it…

Disneyland was great! Our little boy is 5 now and he had a great time, including getting to meet his favorite character, Jack Skellington. He FREAKED when we went on Haunted Mansion, but when he started seeing more characters from the Nightmare Before Christmas movie, he calmed down.

Thanksgiving was spent over at my cousin’s house and I ate to the point of feeling sick lol. Christmas is around the corner and I can’t believe how fast this year has flown by! It seems like the year has just started but a lot has certainly happened this year. I’m actually ready for it to be over and just start a new year!

Anyway, that’s it for my little update! I know a lot of us are back to trying again so good luck ladies ❤

a LOT of dpo

Gee, I love PCOS *rolls eyes*. So after 14 days of temp obessing, cervical fluid obsessing, and making note of every possible “pregnancy” symptom. I’m now like 21 dpo and I still have a stark white pregnancy test. SO! Back at it I guess. I’m going to call the clomid nurse at my OBGYN on Monday and see if she can send in a script for provera and clomid and we’ll do a repeat of the last successful cycle with hopefully a better outcome.

Thankfully, Krystal and I are doing well emotionally. I think we didn’t have too much stock in this cycle, which ended up being a good thing! Honestly, I think I ovulated later than I thought I did. I got a positive opk on the 17th but the test stick looked odd, kinda streaky? But the tester had a smiley so we went for it. However, around what I thought was 10 dpo, I had CM that looked like it could be eggwhite then a week later, I had ovulation pain on my right side. That stuff is also things that can happen during pregnancy though and since I got the positive opk on the 17th, I didn’t think it was possible that I was ovulating. Hindsight is 20/20 though, right? Hopefully I can start taking the Provera this week.

What’s definitely exciting right now is our upcoming Disneyland trip this week. Matthew will be turning 5 next Sunday so to celebrate, we’re going to take him back to see the big mouse, the Christmas decorations, and Jack Skellington. He has not been able to stop talking about going for his birthday since we took him for the first time last March lol. We had a mini party for him with friends and family last night at Mcdonald’s. He got a How to Train Your Dragon 2 cake, some toys, and a ton of gift cards for Disneyland/cash. We let people know ahead of time that he would be going to Disneyland the week after his party so if they wanted to get him a gift, then a Disneyland gift card would be better lol. It worked out pretty well! That kid will have a blast (again) lol, but he deserves it. He’s such a sweet kid.

Luckily it takes 10 days for the Provera to take effect so no bleeding at Disneyland, yay!

Anyway, I want to congratulate those that have recently gotten BFPs!

And for those that are trying again with me, good luck!

7 DPO

So my BBT chart is not making any sense…

wpid-screenshot_2014-10-25-10-37-25.png

I have no idea what my temp is doing. I’m actually kind of worried that I’ve been doing it wrong. There was a few temps where I was woken up by something (or by Matthew) right before I temped. Or maybe I moved too much and didn’t notice? Last night I didn’t sleep too well, because someone decided to bang on the door at 1:30 in the morning. I say someone because we don’t actually know who. We weren’t expecting anyone and considering how that person was banging on the door, and were also jiggling the door knob like they were trying to get in; we decided to call the cops rather than open the door. While we were waiting for them to arrive, we heard a woman crying outside saying she couldn’t find her car (she sounded drunk). I’m thinking it was her, and the policewoman went to go handle her situation after making sure we were okay. I only got four hours of sleep after that but it was restless (I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night to pee, and have been having restless sleep in general). Sooo I’m not sure if this morning’s temp was accurate.

I’m overanalyzing everything, I know. I also know that I’ve been symptom spotting. (Sore boobs/sensitive nipples since “O” day, and are my boobs looking bigger??) I also know that I’ve been driving myself internally crazy, and probably Krystal too because I got up SIX times during the course of previews+a 2 hour movie yesterday because I kept having to pee, and I’ve been mentioning being queasy every so often. But I have a sensitive bladder! Having to pee a lot isn’t new to me, especially when I increase my water intake like I have been. Most of this week, I’ve been drinking only coffee, regular tea, and water. Today was my first soda since Tuesday morning and that was a big accomplishment for me considering I normally have more than 12 oz of diet soda everyday. I’ve also been trying to eat a little healthier. I’ve been trying just in case I’m pregnant again, you know? I have 5 days until my OB appointment. It will be 12 dpo. Possibly too early for a pee test, but also maybe around the right time too. Just gotta get through the rest of this week…

Here we go again

So I know I’ve been pretty silent the past few weeks. I’ve been pretty quiet the past couple months actually. This is due to me dealing with a lot of emotional issues. Emotional to the point that I’ve just been shut down, unable to really express myself. A week ago, the storm lifted, and long story, short, I’m better. So, given a change of events, this is what’s happening….

I started my period on Oct. 5

We decided to start trying again on Oct. 12/13

I started doing ovulation tests and BBT on Oct. 14 (kinda late on the BBT, I know)

I got a positive opk on Oct. 17

We inseminated that night. Then went to go see Wicked!

I got a dip in my BBT the morning of my positive OPK then it rose up back to 97.18 for two days then dropped down to 96.8 this morning. I have no actual idea what this means. I read about the luteal phase dip (implantation dip) but that doesn’t normally occur until after 6dpo. I’m also really aware that this is my first cycle charting so none of this information actually means anything without anything to compare it to.

Krystal and I are trying (“really hard”) to not put too much stock into this cycle. I honestly didn’t think I was going to ovulate this month because of my weight so the positive OPK was a big surprise. The last and only time I got a positive OPK was when I was using clomid. I haven’t ovulated on my own that we know of during any of our tries. Still, there’s that little possibility, and already at 2dpo, I’m looking for signs. I told Krystal that we’re not even going to bother testing early this month. I have an OBGYN appointment on the 30th that I had made when we thought that my period wasn’t coming, and we decided to keep it to talk to our OB about what’s going on. That day will also be 12 dpo and will be a good day for a first pregnancy test. Of course though, I had already started thinking about testing early after saying that. How could I not? It’s once again, all I can think about, and I find myself overanalyzing every little thing again. 2 dpo isn’t even enough time for implantation but then you find forums where people are claiming they implanted at 2 or 3 dpo!

What is it about TTC that makes women crazy like this?!

Anyway, that is the update! Good luck to everyone out there who are still TTC. And for the ones currently pregnant, I have been enjoying reading about your journeys 🙂

Lovely Blogger Award

olba2

olba1

Thank you http://inthebabycloset.wordpress.com/ for nominating me for this award! I never really thought that my blog was that great so your nomination has certainly meant a lot! I do apologize for taking so long to do this, but better late than never!

The Rules
1.Thank the person who has nominated you. Provide a link to his/her blog
2.List the rules
3.Include 7 facts about yourself
4.Nominate 15 other bloggers and let them know that they have been nominated
5.Display the award logo and follow the blogger who nominated you

7 Facts About ME
1. I am a self-published author who is mostly focused on writing lesbian fiction. I have another in the works but if anyone is interested, you can check it out here… TheBookPatch.com Buy Now style 1 button

2. My wife and I have been married 1 year, been together 2 years, but have known each other 9 years. She fell in love with me first, and often likes to remind me of that :-P.

3. I do not mention my amazing son enough, but my heart has belonged to Matthew since the day he was born. He is an amazing and sweet little boy, with enough intelligence and charisma to charm the room.

4. I liked to eat peanut butter and bologna sandwiches growing up. I apparently inherited that quirk from my father.

5. I am an only child by my mom, and the youngest biological daughter from my dad. I have two older half sisters and 3 younger step siblings (2 girls, 1 boy). I haven’t seen my second eldest half sister since I was a baby, and haven’t seen my eldest half sister in 7 years. I am not close to my step siblings, nor do I want to be.

6. I am half Filipino and half Ohi-an. (That means my father is white and from Ohio.) I grew up with my Filipino side of the family and even though a good amount of them are judgmental and ill-tempered, I love them with all my heart.

7. I’m a procrastinator and I think I have a touch of OCD. So after awhile, everything I procrastinate starts to get to me when it hasn’t been done. It’s a strange cycle. Ex: house cleaning? It can be put off until tomorrow! (3 weeks later) EVERYTHING MESSY IS DRIVING ME NUTS.

Nominations

Pretty much everyone that I follow has already done this award (which makes me think I have good taste in blogs, ha ha), so I am going to piggy back off of what I saw someone else did. I invite anyone who wants to, to participate in this.

I love reading everyone’s blogs, even when I haven’t been an avid blogger myself, and this community gives me hope. So to everyone that follows me, and to whom I follow, THANK YOU.

Background

So I realized that today would make 3 weeks since my last post. I’ve also acquired quite a few new followers so hello out there! I haven’t posted any new posts but I have been in the background, keeping up to date with the blogs I follow. I have my fingers crossed and well wishes for all of you! My silence has really been due to that there hasn’t been much to report. I mean the emotions have been up and down. Losing the baby has really taken a toll on me and Krystal emotionally. On top of that, it’s been 7 weeks since I started bleeding and my period hasn’t returned. I have no belief that it will return. My weight is the highest it’s ever been and I’m estimating a 15 pound weight loss before it comes back. My body is weird like that. I guess that’s how my non cystic PCOS works. Krystal wants me to go to a doctor if it doesn’t return in a few weeks.

I know I need to lose weight. I know it. I can’t make myself care. My therapist explained that depression will keep you from doing the things that you know will make you feel better. Like how exercise will help with my weight AND my depression. How meditation helps my depression but I can’t always do it everyday. I mean it’s nothing new and nothing I haven’t dealt with all my life. I need to eat healthier and lose weight. I’ll feel better, I’ll look better, blah blah blah. I just can’t care. It makes me sad, really, but that’s the depression, right?!

Oh yeah, I took a test with my therapist, and apparently I am severely depressed. So that was fun. We’re trying to see if I can manage it without medication. So that’s what’s up. Sorry to be such a downer!